My Heroes - F. Kate Adcock Alford

This particular Hero happens to be my Mother. It took me a long time to get my perspective right to be able to recognize what my Mother had done that she deserved to be viewed as a Hero.

Like most people of my generation, and probably many others, I did not come to this mindset in time to gather detailed information from my Mother while she was available to answer my questions. I had not even formulated the questions before she passed over, so I missed a great opportunity. From what I do know, I can assure you that my Mother was an individual and somewhat of a feminist before there was such a term defined.

Neither of my parents were formally educated past third or fourth grade level, but they were extremely smart in the common sense and street-smart sense. They both could do anything they set their minds to and they set them to a great variety of activities. Whatever my Father decided to get into, my Mother jumped right in and participated. That included everything from growing most of our food in gardens wrestled from the packed red clay of Alabama, and for a short time Georgia, or buying or bartering vegetables and meat from others in the community, to gaining access to what was then called "commodities" at that time. I am sure, although I have no proof, that my Father gained access to the black market during the time of "rationing" during WWII (I have stamp books from that period that show the kinds of items that were rationed, including sugar). I am also sure that my Mother bartered all of the above with friends and neighbors to avoid having anything "go bad" because we had something we couldn't use fast enough. Neither of them were writers so there are no records of the many ways they worked their magic to raise a house full of children and have them all turn out relatively well. Sadly, most of the people who benefited from this effort have passed over already and I failed to ask them questions as well.

The point I am trying to make is that my Mother was a true partner in the Alford Enterprise, she was not just a housewife in a traditional position in a family. Looking back on the environment I see it as a small business with both of them at the helm, both making major decisions and "negotiating" resolution of differences. Their personal relationship is a whole other story to be told at another time.

In addition to participating in the family "business'', both my parents worked in the "cotton mill" in Langdale AL which was owned by The West Point Manufacturing Company, now morphed into some other conglomeration through a series of sell-offs, mergers and buy-outs.

Kate Alford was a spinner in the Spinning Department of the Langdale Mill for most of her life. This meant she was on her feet the entire time she worked every day. In the beginning she would have worked a shift each day that began at 7 AM and ended at 3 PM. I have no idea how they managed break and meal times but there was no union so I am sure it was at the discretion of the company. Kate was a smoker so she would have taken a smoke break and smoked on any meal break as well. There are a few rare pictures of the group who worked together during that time.

When the family was suddenly increased due to the death of Kate's sister and the "taking in" of her sister's children, Kate started working double shifts to make more money to feed and clothe the group. This meant she would begin her work day at 7 AM and end it at 11 PM for as many days as she could get the work.

As far as I know, there was never any complaining about working such long days nor about the extra responsibility of taking care of such a large group. There was just continuous adjustments to accommodate everybody in the house hold. The size of the household would fluctuate because some of the children were going away to nursing or business school to further their education or coming to stay because the marriages were in trouble or any of the other normal things that happen in families.

Although there were only two children in the original Alford family, the number could fluctuate to as many as eight to ten, depending on the circumstances. The basic core kind of settled to five children for most of the time. Everyone was given responsibilities and one of them was to take care of me because I was only five at the time the family grew.

I never knew that we might not be very well off. There was always plenty of food on the table and there was very little talk about what it took to make that happen. I do know that I wore "hand-me-down" clothes for most of my life until I was the last child left at home. This did not happen until I was in high school.

I honestly do not know how my Mother managed to keep meals cooked, clothes clean or any of the other chores of keeping a household going that fall to the woman to do. At the same time she also managed to teach us all personal integrity, morals and ethics as well as Southern manners. She also insisted that we all attend the various meetings at the Langdale Baptist Church. I have always understood that she was a "hard-shelled" Baptist but I have never really known why I know that or what it actually means.

The lasting lessons that we all learned from being part of that family was that each of us could do anything we wanted to do. We were taught to be strong and independent and those lessons were taught to both male and female within that environment.

Thank you Mama, I hope you are enjoying your life on the other side. I look forward to discussing all this with you when next we meet.

Mountains

For more years than I can remember I have been forming a deep attachment with mountains. I was not born on or near any mountains, other than Pine Mountain in Georgia, which is really not much of a mountain. At first I was only vaguely aware when I went somewhere near any mountain that it "felt" quite different. Now I require periodic closeness to mountains to feed my soul. To cross the foothills of any mountain range and get the first glimpse of the mountains on the horizon simply takes my breath away. I breathe deeper and longer of the air in the mountains that has been cleansed by the beautiful trees. That first breath is simply life affirming to me.

At one time I thought the Rocky Mountains were the ultimate for me. Then I lived in Denver for three years and realized they did not fulfill all my needs. When I wound up in North Carolina and discovered the Blue Ridge Mountains I found that those did satisfy my needs in so many ways that I may not have yet discovered them all. I get the same feeling as I described above, but so much more. Not all of which I understand at this point.

I will just keep learning.....

Communications of all kinds personal...

Anything we say and anything we do has multiple meaning, some of which we are aware of, but most of which we are not. The things we are aware of include the thoughts we have that result in actions or statements, the actions or the statements that we then make, and, on some occasions, the reaction of the other person with whom we have interacted. The reaction sequence is a whole other topic to be dealt with at a later time. One other type communication that must not be overlooked is the withholding of communication, either deliberate or unconscious, which means it may follow a thought or lack of thought. This lack of communication is also a topic for another time.

The thoughts we have that trigger the other elements can have multiple meaning as well. In some cases we may just communicate the first thing that flows through our brain, in others we may have an internal dialogue to decide how to communicate the thought. Neither of these processes may take into consideration how the other person will perceive and/or accept the communication, but in some cases it may, either consciously or unconsciously.

The question is, do you have any idea what your communications mean? I have struggled with this area all my life. There are times when the reaction I get from those with whom I have communicated is an absolute shock because their interpretation of what I said or did was so wildly different than what I thought I communicated, I sometimes wonder if I was speaking in tongues.

In some cases, particularly with women, the listener is influenced by their own "stuff", be it hormonal, experiential or just plain bias. By bias, I mean that there are some people who have such a strong opinion of who and what they think you are, they are not listening in an open way. They have already decided what is going to come from you before you even know. This is also true of men and is colored by the difference in gender as well as their other "stuff". The most frustrating thing about this process is that I don't seem to be able to talk the other person into reexaming the conversation to get it understood in the way that I meant.

I could add to this concept at great length and go off on all kinds of tangents. But I will end this post with a classical case that drives me insane. When I am communicating with someone who is much younger than I am and their response alludes to the thought that what I just said reminded them of their grandmother, I know they have made a decision about me based on what they think my age is and all communication will be accepted through that filter.

What was I thinking???

It is very interesting looking at your life in "retrospect"... The things you could have put more thought into and the things you might have done differently that could have had such a different impact on your life as well as the lives of others who shared the journey with you. Fortunately, or unfortunately, we are motivated by our own experiences, or observation of the experiences and behavior of others around us, mostly family members. It is sad that a lot of our actions are driven to ensure that we do the opposite of what we observe others to be doing that are not good in our eyes. So many make decisions to do the opposite of what we observed our parents doing that we thought was the wrong thing to do at the time, without knowing why they might have done things the way they did.

In my case, as with most people of my generation, I was raised by parents who had lived through the depression and most of their actions were tempered by that experience. I can name a thousand ways that experience trickled down to me, some related to money, others related to food and clothing, along with a plethora of other areas. My reaction to those experiences has not only affected my life, but that of my children and my grandchildren.

I at least finally came to the realization that my parents did the best they could do with what they knew and at some point stopped blaming them for the lack in my life. I have known many people who spent their entire lives blaming their parents for the way their life turned out instead of taking responsibility for themselves and their actions. I can only hope that my children and grandchildren reach that same conclusion about me at a much earlier point in their lives so they can get on with making their time on this planet, this time around, a much better experience for them and their children.

TIME

This is a post that I started two years ago but never finished. I am leaving in the two paragraphs I started for a reference point for the subject.

Where does the time go???? I thought it had been a few weeks since I posted, but it turns out to be a few months. I got so wrapped up in the elections and the transition that I have spent all my time checking the details - hardly leaving time to live. I went from never watching commercial TV or news of any kind to being totally consumed by it. Whatever the average time an American spends watching TV I have dramatically exceeded it.


The end result is that here we are with another year almost gone and what do I have to show for it??? Not that I use this transition from one year to the next to assess my accomplishments or develop a list of resolutions. That activity takes place in relation to my birthday since that is my measure of the time called years.

Now the year I referred to has passed and I am still in quandary about where the time goes. I have referred to my theory before that I have lived multiple lives this time around, in this body, in this dimension. There was the time I spent as a small child, born into a family that did not necessarily want a baby girl in the mix. Then there was the time I spent before becoming a teenager that is just a blur. Most people seem to spend that time becoming who they will be as adults, I just don't remember doing that. I know I spent a lot of time alone, playing games I made up in my head - mostly related to "playing house". The teenage years were sheer hell for me. I can remember my fourteenth birthday very clearly because I hated myself and everyone around me at that time. I never did quite master being "me" during that time, primarily because it did not seem important to me or anyone else that I become a separate entity.

OK, that went too far to the dark side. So I think I'll just end this rant and pick it up at a later time when my frame of mind is better. Bottom line: time is the most precious "thing" you own, use it wisely every minute of every day!!

THINGS can own you instead of you owning THINGS!!!

Today is cleaning-out-day which needs to be done while the weather is good and it is not too hot. We are all carefully looking at everything we have packed up in moving boxes as well as other types of containers in the garage that have been stacked to the ceiling since we moved here two years ago.

When I moved from Denver back to Atlanta I got rid of the majority of my THINGS. There were multiple reasons for that decision, one of which was that I was tired of paying to maintain a home that I do not live in. (It is a long story about why that was true.) So, I decided to not have a place of my own for a while and planned to just put everything in storage until I decide what to do for the long term. I also realized that I had too many THINGS. The primary item that concerned me was a beautiful twig bed that had been custom made to my specifications by a craftsman in Georgia and I had concluded that the bed actually owned me. I had moved that bed all over the country and even had it in storage at one time. I had even loaned it to my granddaughter for a while and at this point I can't even remember why. When I moved to Denver I was constrained by what kind of dwelling I could buy purely on whether or not the twig bed could be brought into the house. Is that rediculous? I think so now, but I did not get it at the time. Don't get me wrong, I loved that bed and had many years of sleeping in it and decorating it to reflect different locations and seasons of the year wherever I was. It was my safe haven for years. Now that I think back on its history, I slept alone in that bed the entire time I had it, or it had me.

I also had other furniture that I had acquired at garage or estate sales as well as hand-me-downs from family that I got rid of as well. I had TVs, stereos and other electronic gadgets in every room, which I did not need. The Salvation Army and Goodwill people were happy to help me "down-size". I also gave THINGS to friends and co-workers that made them very happy as well.

When I left Denver on my way back to Atlanta I only brought with me the things that would fit in my Dodge Durango, which was still a lot of THINGS. Of course I had also shipped some THINGS back via UPS before I got to the point of loading my car for the long road trip back.

I still have way too many boxes full of THINGS that I have not yet been able to let go of to this point. I have looked at the THINGS in the boxes and most of them have some sentimental value and are not just THINGS that I have acquired.

I'm just trying hard to not acquire any more things at this point unless it is something I absolutely have to have to live.

When I have another place of my own I will be very selective about what I bring into my space. I will really have to love it for it to become part of my life.

Don't Put Things Off...

In those times when you determine that there is something you would really like to do, such as attending a lecture, driving on a country road, sitting on a bench and watching people walk by, gazing at nothing, listening to the wind in the trees, sitting quietly with a child while they are quiet and still - perhaps sleeping.... The time to do whatever it is will always be when it comes to your mind!!! Anything you put off doing or promise yourself you will do later can very quickly leave your mind and you will never do it. Those are the only regrets that I have about the way I have lived my life - the things I did not do at the time they would have meant so much to me on a soul level. For years I wanted to take a cruise around the Greek Isles but I was always too busy, now that I have the time I no longer have the desire.