Communications of all kinds personal...

Anything we say and anything we do has multiple meaning, some of which we are aware of, but most of which we are not. The things we are aware of include the thoughts we have that result in actions or statements, the actions or the statements that we then make, and, on some occasions, the reaction of the other person with whom we have interacted. The reaction sequence is a whole other topic to be dealt with at a later time. One other type communication that must not be overlooked is the withholding of communication, either deliberate or unconscious, which means it may follow a thought or lack of thought. This lack of communication is also a topic for another time.

The thoughts we have that trigger the other elements can have multiple meaning as well. In some cases we may just communicate the first thing that flows through our brain, in others we may have an internal dialogue to decide how to communicate the thought. Neither of these processes may take into consideration how the other person will perceive and/or accept the communication, but in some cases it may, either consciously or unconsciously.

The question is, do you have any idea what your communications mean? I have struggled with this area all my life. There are times when the reaction I get from those with whom I have communicated is an absolute shock because their interpretation of what I said or did was so wildly different than what I thought I communicated, I sometimes wonder if I was speaking in tongues.

In some cases, particularly with women, the listener is influenced by their own "stuff", be it hormonal, experiential or just plain bias. By bias, I mean that there are some people who have such a strong opinion of who and what they think you are, they are not listening in an open way. They have already decided what is going to come from you before you even know. This is also true of men and is colored by the difference in gender as well as their other "stuff". The most frustrating thing about this process is that I don't seem to be able to talk the other person into reexaming the conversation to get it understood in the way that I meant.

I could add to this concept at great length and go off on all kinds of tangents. But I will end this post with a classical case that drives me insane. When I am communicating with someone who is much younger than I am and their response alludes to the thought that what I just said reminded them of their grandmother, I know they have made a decision about me based on what they think my age is and all communication will be accepted through that filter.